Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
