Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
