Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
