you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
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