that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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