conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
