No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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