grandma shit on top of the toilet
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
She even gives head with a lisp.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
