He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
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