Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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