Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
