we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
