so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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