Tell her she can't have a vagina
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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