haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
