What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Randomize
