Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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