Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
