Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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