If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
