I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
