Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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