So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize