im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
