The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
