I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
