I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
