So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Boobs are out for the taking
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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