dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
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