So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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