I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
So vagazzling was a success
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
