why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
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