When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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