Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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