He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
