: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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