i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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