I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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