i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
