i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
