I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
