i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
