That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
