And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Hippo gnu deer
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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