I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
