Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
