and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Randomize
