ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize