I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
