my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
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