I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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