He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
