The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
