he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
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