my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize