im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
