We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
