on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
