Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
