come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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