you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
