playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
