I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
