i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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