If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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