Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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