My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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