some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize