I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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