Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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