Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
50% drunk capacity currently
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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