just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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