Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
