don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
