I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize