Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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