He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
soo... how was my night?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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