You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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