I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
