I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
mondays should just be called national damage control day
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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