Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
