Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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