you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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