also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
