If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
