i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Randomize