no, he came in my armpit
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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