By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
