i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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