I faked an abortion last night.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
