eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
