I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
