yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
