why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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