I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
