Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Randomize
