Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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