My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
